Like a Fish out of the Water
by SuperDryBombs
Summary: Who knew that middle school life could go horribly wrong?
1. It all Begins

Man, I don't know how I got into this mess... Wassup, my name is John. Me and my brother Mike here have been shipped to an all girls school in Japan because it was the only school left that had room for the both of us. At first the Japanese education department thought it was absurd, but in the end they had to force us into an all girls school. We weren't originally Japanese but when our parents died in America (car accident), we were shipped to Japan to live with our aunt, who was our only relative. Today is the first day of judgment, I mean school. Wish me luck!

My first steps in that Folsom prison were absolutely excruciating. Do you have any idea how awkward it is to walk the halls of a school with all the girls staring at you? I know I do. Mike and I just ignore the crowd and make our way to homeroom.

We step in slowly as all eyes turn our way. Ignoring another array of females, Mike and I take our seats next to each other. Mike buries his head in his arms, and sobs, which were very audible in this silence. I turn my head in his direction while laying back and say, "Look, buddy. If you wanna make it in here, you better smarten up. If those goons see you like this you won't make it in a day. You don't wanna die on your first day do ya?"

One of the girls butts in, "Hei! Wareware wa satsujin-sha de wa arimasen!" She stared at me with fire in her eyes.

I don't know any Japanese so I just ignore her. I think that's the best thing to do with the people around here.

"What is this school going to be like?" muttered Mike.

I explain, "You know that bolt of fear you get when you see a cop's flashing red light in your rear view? Kinda makes you dizzy and sick to your stomach. Now, imagine feeling that 24 hours a day surrounded by future criminals who feel the exact same way. That's life in the machine, nobody's here to relax. Once you're in, there's only one quick way out; in a body bag."

"Well, it's not that severe," a female teacher said while walking in the classroom. "But, it is impossible to transfer out of this school." She sat down and started taking attendance. Name after name she called, and time seemed to slow down. We were the last two to be called. Mike raised his hand, while I gave the teacher a nod. The first bell rung, and all hell broke loose.

The teacher spoke in English, and thank god that she did. Makes it much easier for the both of us. The periods went by fast because all of us just stayed in our seats and did class work. The real storm will happen during recess, I just know it.

Around 12 o'clock, we were sent down to the cafeteria to have some lunch. The menu itself made me lose my appetite. I couldn't read the Japanese writing, but I can tell from the pictures. The worst one on it was what looked like ears with some sort of sauce on them. Thank God that I brought my own lunch.

I take out my lunch bag, and open it up to see a thermos with a bacon cheeseburger inside, a can of Arizona, and a bar of Snickers. When I took out the contents, every eye directed at me. Everyone except Mike was drooling, and looking at me.

"What?" I start. "Haven't you ever seen American food before? Shoo."

I take out the sandwich that was in my thermos and eat it slowly, trying to look at least awkward as possible as every eye in the room stared down on me. I finish the burger, and then I start eating the chocolate bar. More girls drooled as I ate the bar slowly, as if I was taunting them. I gave them all a smirk, and wave the bar at them. I finish the Snickers bar, and then open the can of Arizona. When I did that, every eye stopped staring at me.

I turn Mike's way and say, "Well, that was pretty freakin' weird. Why was everyone staring at me?"

"It's because the food you eat is godly compared to the horse dookie that they're given by the lunch ladies," he replies. "Well, that makes sense," I bounce back.

After I finish drinking from the can, one of the attendants called us all to the yard. The girls screamed as they ran out to the field. I just calmly walked out with Mike trailing behind me.

In the yard, I saw that everything was okay. Girls were having fun playing tennis, soccer, and all that. But, I shouldn't have let my guard down. One of the seventh graders hollered at me, "Oi!" Okay, I'm a sixth grader (and I'm pretty weak) so I can't really take on one. From afar stood a girl who was tall, white, and blonde. Once she reaches where I am, she stares down at me with a rape face. Sweet Jesus...

"Anata wa kawaiidesu ne!~", she says while softly caressing my chin with her tickly finger. I don't know what she said, but I bet it's something ominous. She has a really creepy smile on her face, I can't help staring at her with a look of fear. Man, this type of crap is gonna end up making me heterophobic.

"Don't be scared. I'm not going to hurt you~" she says in English. "It's just that you're so cute!" She takes her hand and strokes my cheek with it making me blush. She leans in against me, and close enough to kiss me. He breath froze me, and I couldn't move a muscle. I whisper to Mike, "Mike, back me up." The blondie giggles and gives me a kiss on the cheek, which sent abhorrent chills down my back and blood-gushing heat to my cheeks. She giggles, and then walks away. That was pretty friggin' scary, and thank God she didn't go any further, especially not in front of a legion of girls. After recess, the school day went as smooth as it did before recess.

During the last period of school, the phone rang and it was for me. The teacher handed it to me, and I start talking.

"Yeah?" I casually greet the caller. All mouths shut, and all eyes and ears were directed toward me.

"Hmph. I was expecting a kon'nichiwa by now!" she greets back. That's Aunt Akira alright.

"Haven't you taken a good look at us yet? Me and my bro Mike here aren't exactly the Asian color."

"Whatever. Anyway, you're staying at Hinata Apartments after today."

"What?" I almost yelp. "Isn't that an all girls dorm?"

"It is," she replies.

"Oh good Lord."

"Oh, don't be such a baby."

"Whatever. Anyway, how long am I gonna stay there?"

"Until college. Mike's staying there also." Oh boy...

The bell rung, I hung up the phone, and walked out sick to my stomach. Mike came up to me and asked, "Okay, Johnny. Where we headed?"

"Hinata Apartments..." I gloomily reply. About fifteen minutes later, we arrive at the door and knock.

The door was opened by none other than Aunt Akira. She greets and directs us to our rooms, on the second floor. She also gave us our luggage that was sent to her from the airport. Our room was parallel to each other. Mine was on the left, and once I entered my room I laid down on the tatami mats and listened to "Like a Boss," by The Lonely Island from my iPod Shuffle.

A few minutes later, the door slid open and revealed a tall girl with white hair. My God, I must be the shortest one in this apartment (even Mike's taller than me, and I'm his OLDER brother).

"Aww! Kawaii!~" she moaned.

"Umm... Can I help you?" I greet her while taking off my earphones.

"Kawaii ikani!~" she sighs while putting both of her hands on her cheeks. I give her a confused look.

"Oh, you don't speak Japanese?" she asks.

"Um, no ma'am," I shyly bounce back.

She responds, "Okay. Anyway, dinner's ready! Come downstairs. By the way, my name's Mitsune. Nice to meet you!" She goes on ahead to the diner room.

"Name's Johnny. Nice to meet ya too, Mitsune." Well I guess that staying at Hinata Apartments isn't as all bad as I thought it would be. I better get Mike too. I step into his room and get the most shocking/hilarious sight in my life.

I slide open the door and I see Mike doing the worm while the Scatman song was playing in the background. I can't help but giggle, then laugh at that. He was completely going at it, and by it I mean the floor. Eventually he hit his head on the ceiling of a cabinet, and one of his really big soccer trophies fell off the top and landed on his spine, making him scream in pain. I burst in laughter as I run from the entrance to his room then through the halls on my way downstairs to the dining room.

Laughter and tears blinded me as I sped through the halls, then down the steps. Close to ending my stair trip, I fall off the second to last flight and land face-first into the floor. I quickly get up as I make my way down the final flight of stairs.

I came down the steps while still giggling a bit, and then see the dining room. No one's seated yet. Oh well, first come first serve! I run towards the table, but something wraps around my tummy and prevents me from going further.

"Ah, I see that you're one of the new residents! My, my aren't you a cute little one?~" said a girl's voice.

"Yeah, um. Can you let me go ma'am?" I beg. This girl is smells different from the last one.

"Don't be so hasty~" she cooed while rubbing her fingers lightly above my stomach. Oh no, I'm not sticking around for this (I hate the fact that I'm ticklish _). I easily break from her grip and face her with a concentrated expression. She looks like a high school girl with golden hair, plain yellow shirt, and a blue skirt.

"What do you think you're doing?" I sternly queried.

She giggles and begins to speak, "Look at you, trying to be all high and mighty! It's adorable!~"

"I'm not trying to be high and mighty," I corrected.

"Oh, whatever!" she said while giggling a bit. She takes a seat on the table.

I sit on one of the chairs on the right side of the table in front of one of the dishes. I've never seen this type of food before, except for the sushi. I don't really pay attention to the food, so I just ate it. It tasted kind of weird, exotic, and delicious.

I finished about half of it when people started coming downstairs. One of them was an Indian with a Super Saiyan hair color. Another one looked like one of those girls from the movie, "White men Can't Jump," only that she's around my age and has smooth blue hair. There's Mitsune, Aunt Akira, and another high school girl that carries a katana and has smooth black hair. I guess smooth hair is a trend here in Japan. And there was... another boy? He looks much older than Mike. However, there was no sign of him. I take my plates and move to another table in fear of my cheeks being pulled, and my chin being tickled. But, I didn't avoid being talked to. We ended up sharing names so we know who was who. After that, there wasn't much more chatting. I was asked about my whereabouts. You know; where I come from, culture, etc. Not much happened at dinner. I finished my meal at about 6:30, and then I piled the dishes in the sink. I go upstairs to Mike's room, and he's still dancing.

He has this big metal stick thing that he's swinging around like that dancing security guard from the 1997 film "Nothing to Lose" (.com/watch?v=6ZuF_JXZml0 watch this it's funny). He was shaking the thing right where his nuts were, with his mouth wide open and his body vibrating erratically sideways, looking like a total baka. He was jamming to this song "New York City," by Sonia Dada while I just watched him with my eyes and mouth wide open. Then, the song ended and transitioned into "Hey There Lonely Girl," by Eddie Holman. He grabbed his metal stick and pretended it was a microphone.

He then began to lip sing along the tune. "Hey there lonely girl!~ Lonely girl! Let me make your broken heart like new!~", squealed the speakers.

This is where I butt in. "Umm.. Mike? What the hell are you doing?"

"Uhh, nothing?" he lies as he quickly turns off the speakers.

"Yeah, like spazzing around with a big metal dildo in your hand and then using it as a microphone is doing nothing. Mike, knock it off before one of the girls see you!" I warn him.

"Fine…" he replies as he puts away the metal shaft and starts using headphones.

I walk out of his room, then into mine. I take my iPod shuffle and connect it to a speaker, and start blasting the song "I'm on a Boat," by the Lonely Island. I lay down on my bed and start writing in my notebook,

Journal 9-7-12,

Well, this is life. First, my parents died because of some driver who drank too much booze in midmorning hours, then me and my brother mike end up being incarcerated in a Japanese all girls dorm where we are going to get beaten, tortured, raped, psychologically abused, and raped some more by the female residents. Today's my first day, and I'm already sick and tired of Japan. Well, here goes another year of disaster.

-Johnny

I close the notebook, then toss it into my bag, then toss my bag to my pile of luggage. I sigh and look at the ceiling, thinking about how I'm going to make it here. After a few minutes of stillness, I turn off the speakers and walk out the door. I walk through the halls, glancing at the signs that reveal the names of those who occupy the corresponding rooms. I stumble upon the sign that read, "Apartment Manager: Keitaro Urashima"

"Well, hopefully this guy can help me out," I wishfully thought as I knock on his door. It's been about an hour since I finished dinner, he should be in his room by now.

I hear him holler, "O hairi kudasai." That must mean, "Come in." I slide open his door and enter.

"To start off, Mr. Urashima. I do not speak Japanese, so please bear with our difference in language,"

"Mkay. Anyway, what can I do for ya?" he awaits my response.

"Do you have anything that makes you feel better after a really bad day?" I ask him.

"Well my friend, I'm all out of stuff today," he starts. "But, you may be in luck, because I have some very nice alternatives; magic mushrooms." He takes out a bag of mushrooms, that look like the ones that people use to get high.

"Custom magic mushrooms. No smoking needed, just ingest. Totally safe and legal if small dose taken just once a week. A mere, two to three mushrooms and boom to the moon. Only side effects; maybe some mild to uncontrollable crapping."

"Alright, give me the mushrooms," I accept his offer.

"Be careful, I'll give you only two for now, come back in a week if you want more," he says as he takes out two mushrooms and hands it to me. This oughta give me a wild night.

When I enter my room, I clear out the floor of all luggage and lock the door. I take out the two mushrooms, and ingest them one at a time. Three... Two... One... _Woooooaaaaaahhhh!_


	2. A Mixed Friday Night

"... Oi!"

"..."

"Hey! Johnny-kun! Wake up!" Huh? Sounds like that blue-haired hillbilly. I turn the other way. Jeez man, leave me alone. I'm still tired partying all night while on shrooms.

Suddenly, my blanket was snatched from under my grip. I was naked except for underwear with the ORLY owl. I didn't wake up yet, but just turn the other way. A second after that, there was a splash of something really cold on my body that woke me up.

"Aaaaaah!" I scream as I'm forced awake from the sudden change in temperature. "What the hell? Ice? Shinobu are you out of your friggin' head?"

"You had to get up! It's your fault!" she reflected the blame. "It's time for breakfast, we have school today!"

"We?"

"Yes! I'm in your school! Now let's go!" She grabs me by the arm and drags me down to the dining room.

The dining room was in sight, and so was breakfast. I darted towards a spot on the table, and start praying for the food (I'm Christian). When I was done, I turn my head towards Shinobu and say, "When does school start?"

"8:00, 30 minutes from now!" she answered. Ugh...

I wolf down breakfast in about 3 minutes, then I rush off into the showers. I jump into a stall and start blasting water from the nozzle. I take out a loofah and squirt liquid soap right up in there. Then I start scrubbing and bathing myself. After about two minutes, the Shinobu and Kaolla (the one with Super Saiyan hair) come into the shower stalls. It feels kind of weird that I'm taking a shower in the same room as two other girls. Oh well, better get used to it. About a minute later, Mike comes in and by that time, I'm already done.

"Ey, Mike. No dancing in the showers," I joked as I passed him by.

"Very funny, John..." murmured Mike, who still had a bump on his head after that Scatman incident with the cabinet. I walk out the door and find my way to my place.

I enter my room and start getting dressed. I put on an undershirt, then the same Levi's that I wore yesterday, a Metallica: Ride the Lightning t-shirt, and Kobe's. I packed up my school bag, and went downstairs to the lobby.

I look at the clock, and it was already 8:49. I dart out of the door like a speeding bullet. F**k, at this rate I'm gonna be late! I speed past the people on the sidewalk as I inch closer to Hinata School. I hear a shout from behind.

"Johnny! Wait for us!" yelled Shinobi, Kaolla, and Mike.

"Screw yourself! I'm not gonna be late just because you are!" I holler back.

I sprint even faster, as the school seems to come closer and closer. I was running so fast, the sweat blinded me a bit. I think I almost ran into a cop.

7 minutes passed, and I feel that the bell is about to ring. I blast through the front doors and then rocket my way into homeroom. Once I step both feet into homeroom, the bell rung. Oh God, that was WAY too close for comfort. Panting, I walk slowly towards my desk. A few seconds after I take a seat, Mike comes rushing into homeroom.

One of the students stands up and points to him, "Mike, you're late!" Hmph, she must the class monitor or something.

"I know that!" he retorted. Mike takes his seat beside me, and starts panting heavily.

"Man, I wonder how many times my a** will get kicked in here?" he thinks aloud.

"Oh, I don't know. Eight, or nine... thousand..." I muttered. "Or over nine thousand."

"Ditto," he bounced back.

Kaolla Su comes in through the door, and sits on the other desk next to me. "You would be in trouble if you were a girl right now," she said to me. "Your clothing is way off uniform."

"I know right. But hey, it's much better than wearing a skirt," I bounce back.

The second bell rung, and classes started. Classes were boring as usual, so let's skip on to lunch period.

This time, I had barbecue on a stick, a can of Mango Nectar, and a bag of Doritos. I went through the same awkwardness with the entire lunch room staring at me.

I finish my meal, then pack everything up._ The aide called us out to the yard, and the students immediately rush out into the wide open field._

_As I was walking by myself while looking at the blue sky, something or someone jumped me._

_"Johnny-kun!~" said Koalla's voice. "Give me a piggy ride, Johnny!"_

_"Yeah, right! Get off," I refused. Kaolla grunts in disappointment, but she doesn't let go. "Get off," I command her once more._

_She doesn't let go, instead she uses one arm to roll up my shirt, exposing my tummy. She then began to scrub her fingers up and down my stomach, making my laugh quite loudly. So loud, that I began to draw a crowd. How embarrassing, now half the entire school knows that I'm ticklish. That's going to make my life exponentially much more painful, courtesy of Kaolla Su. Ain't that a kick in the head?_

_One of the girls giggled, while another whined, "Kawaii!~" A few minutes later, I break free of Su's grip and make a run for it while covering my tummy with the Metallica shirt. Suddenly, one of the other girls restrains me by the arms, and I couldn't move._

_"P-please. Let me go," I pleaded calmly._

_She just ignores me and I feel light tickles around my body. I close my eyes and prepare for the inevitable. Fast as lightning, I was mobbed. You have no idea how much I laughed, and how much my throat hurts right now. After God's Kingdom came, the aide called us to our next period, and the girls were disappointed that they had to leave. I came in my next class panting heavily. I regained my breath at around ten minutes after sixth period started. After that, the rest of school went smoothly, and thank God that it's a Friday._

_**-Hinata Apartments-**_

_I finished my homework at about 4:00, and then I laid back on my office chair and slowly drifted into sleep. In my absence, I felt as if I was moving. The moving feeling intensified, until I awoke finding out that I was falling down the stairs. My jaw clashed with four of the steps before my face crash-landed on the floor. If that wasn't bad enough, my office chair smacked my back, HARD. I slowly recover from the fall, and I see Kaolla Su standing on top of the flight of stairs, giggling with her finger over her closed lips._

_I see blood red, as some blood flows over my eye. "So you wanna play rough, huh?" I vindictively verbalized. My fists balled up, and hardened into steel. I leap half the flight as Su turns around. I leap atop the stairs to stomp Kaolla's foot. She moves to quickly as my foot quakes the floor. I sprint after her, with a will for revenge. After a couple of laps around the second floor of the building, my thirst for vengeance died down, and so did my energy. I slowly march into my room, and then onto my bed. To calm myself down, I turn on my iPod and listen to "The Birth and Death of the Day," by Explosions in the Sky. Interrupting the melodic harmony of the song, my earphones got yanked off. I open my eyes, and I see Shinobu wearing a sadistic smirk on her face._

_"Can I help you?" I ask her._

_"*giggle* I saw that!"_

_"Saw what?"_

_"I saw you being tickled! You were sooooo adorable!~"_

_"So?"_

_"So... This!"_

_She sits on top of my lap, and rolls up my shirt. "N-no! Please d-don't!", I begged. Shinobu chuckles again, and then she rockets her wiggling fingers onto my sides._

_"HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA NOOOO!" I completely break down in tears and laughter. I couldn't stop guffawing, and feel every one of my sensitive spots being exploited and abused at the same time. Shinobu began moving her tickly fingers up to me neck, and spidered behind me neck which was VERY ticklish. I was laughing too much, I feel the ticklish sensation in every part of my body. I open my eyes for a bit, and I think I saw more than one person. I open my eyes again, and I see Kaolla too, licking my feet like a va***a. Remembering the fact that she pushed me down the stairs on my chair made me pissed off, so I forcibly knocked them off me._

_"Knock it off..." I angrily requested, while giggling a bit. The two look at each other, then leave my room. Finally, some peace and quiet._

_I come down to the lobby right around when it was dinner time, and I see Shinobu in the kitchen cooking some sort of Asian cuisine. _

_"Oh, so you're the awesome cook here," I recognized her. She blushes and giggles a bit._

_"You know I'm a cook too. My dad taught me some beastie recipes that he had in his restaurant," I started. "My favorite food to make is the Savannah Chocolate Cake with Hot Fudge Sauce."_

_"Oh, I've heard about that. It's a world famous dessert," she pointed out._

_"I know. But, it took me many times to perfect it. I finally did it three years after I started."_

_I open the fridge and whoop out vegetable shortening, buttermilk, vanilla, unsweetened melted chocolate, 3 eggs, a bar of German Chocolate, unsweetened un-melted chocolate, butter, and evaporated milk. I close the fridge and open a cabinet to take out brown sugar, all-purpose flour, baking soda, salt, powdered sugar, and spoons of different sizes. I preheated the oven in 350 degrees Fahrenheit._

_I take out an electric mixer from a drawer and cream two cups of brown sugar and a half cup of vegetable shortening. I add one cup of buttermilk, one teaspoon of vanilla, and two ounces of melted chocolate. Then, I add the three eggs one at a time. Lastly, I sift two cups of flour with one teaspoon of baking soda and a half teaspoon of salt. I add the dry ingredients into the mixer and let it beat the thingy for two minutes. (A/N: That's what she said :3)_

_"Wow, it sure looks like you know what you're doing!" said Shinobu who was paying close attention to my every move. Hell yeah, I do. Plus, I had the perfect timing to bake cake. I mean, what's Friday without one biga** chocolate cake with awesome fudge sauce?_

_Once the two minutes of batter beating passed, the electric mixer was turned off and the batter was scraped off the bowl walls and the beating module. The bowl was dismembered from the electric mixer, and I poured it into a 13 by 9 by 2-inch cake pan. I slid it in the oven to bake for forty minutes. This cake's gonna be one chocolate bomb, only problem is; waiting for it to bake is plain bullsh**. After that, you need ten more minutes to make the sauce (you can't do it while the cake is baking because the sauce needs to be freshly cooked for it to taste its best). To pass the time, I sat on the couch in front of the TV which was playing the movie, "Meet the Fockers (2004)" while Shinobu was making her part of dinner._

_Forty minutes into the movie, the beeper on the oven went off, and I charged into the kitchen. I turn off the oven, carefully remove the cake pan, and place it on a hot plate to cool for ten minutes. This is when I start making the sauce. I melt the bar of German chocolate and a half ounce of unsweetened, un-melted chocolate with one stick of butter over low heat in a pan. I stir in small portions of three cups of powdered sugar, and small portions of one and two thirds a cup of evaporated milk, alternating between each one and blending well. I raise the heat to medium, and let the mixture simmer for about eight minutes, just when it gets thick and creamy. As the final step, I stir in 1.25 teaspoons of vanilla. I pour in the freshly cooked fudge sauce into a cup, then smother it all over the chocolate cake, then serve it on a huge a** plate in the middle of the table, along with Shinobu's dishes._

_The residents poured into the dining room as they marveled at the cake along with Shinobu's kicka** cooking._

_"Who made this?" said Kaolla with her eyes sparkling at the cake._

_"He did," replied Shinobu while pointing at me._

_"Wow, this is so gonna throw me off my diet," muttered Motoko who was drooling on her kendo uniform._

_"You don't have to eat it if you don't want to," I taunt her while smirking. "That only means more for the rest of us."_

_Everybody took their seats in the dinner table, and gave thanks for the food. I dug into Shinobu's epic dish and drilled that motherf**ker like how Takeru Kobayashi ate 53 hotdogs in twelve minutes. F*** proper food consumption (a.k.a using utensils). It's Friday dangit. _

_I manage to scarf down the entire dish in about two minutes, with my bare hands. And then I sliced the cake, and the knife went in and out without getting dirty (except for when it went through the fudge sauce). Once the cake was sliced, I took one portion and ate it slowly. I want to savor each bite because this is one BAMF-ing cake. Motoko sweats as she sees me eating the cake slowly. I give her a taunting smirk, and I can tell that the words that I said rung in her head like an alarm clock. "You don't have to eat it if you don't want to. That only means more for the rest of us."_

_I was the first to finish dinner, and I piled the dishes in the sink, and walked to my room. I stripped down, and replaced my underwear with swim trunks, I headed downstairs to the hot spring, and took a dip while looking at the night sky. A few minutes later, the door slid open, revealing Mike who was in his trunks._

_"John? What are you doing here? This is an all girls hot spring," said Mike._

_"Well, at times like these I don't really give a damn about gender separated areas," I started. "I need to take a load off after all the crap I've been through at Hinata School."_

_"Yeah, I guess I do too," he said before entering the hot waters and staring at the night sky. "I do admit that at a certain point I thought that Hinata School would be a blast. I mean, surrounded by girls. Total heaven, right?"_

_"Yeah, I thought that too," I started. "But then I realized that the Japanese wouldn't let us in an all girls school, if there weren't some kind of catch. I let it slip my mind for a bit, but then it returned when I first stepped foot in that filth infested guano hole. With all those criminalist faces staring our way, we both knew that we were surrounded by convicted killers with a motive to eat us both alive. But, it's a surprise to know that there are some sensible people in that wasteland. Take Shinobu, for example. She cooks, has manners, and is a pretty good person to know."_

_"Amen to that," agreed Mike. All of a sudden, the door slipped open and revealed Naru and Mitsune who were in bikinis._

_For a second, I thought we were gonna get beat up, but the two just stepped into the other side of the hot spring without minding us._

_Mike turns his head towards me and says, "Hey, John. Do you think we will make it? I mean, in Hinata School?"_

_"To tell you the truth, I don't really know. But what I do know is that, there's only three possible places we could die. One, is in the wilderness if we ever try to run away. Two, is at Hinata School for obvious reasons, and I'm not even exaggerating on that. I can't tell you how many times I've been ambushed when I walk the halls. And three, right here in Hinata Apartments. I don't know how, but there's something that I'm scared of, about that Motoko. The fact that she carries a sword is scary enough, but it's like she has this ominous aura emanating from her body. Do you ever get that feeling, Mike?"_

_"Yeah, I do," said Mike who shivered a bit. "It's probably the best not to cross her path. I heard she came from a long line of strong swordsmen. I can also feel a dangerous aura from each and every resident except for Shinobu. Take Mitsune for example. At first she's nice, but there's something about that smile that she gives you that reveals her devious personality. Plus, I heard she drinks. Basically, we're cats surrounded by lions in a den."_

"I know. But it isn't all bad, right?" I reassure. "I mean, we had chocolate cake this evening, and we're enjoying a hot spring right now. We have comfortable, air-conditioned rooms." Mike let out a sigh of relief, while I face the sky. Suddenly, a blade appears in my view.

"What are you two doing here?" asked Motoko, who was pointing the tip of her blade at in between my eyes.

"What? I can't enjoy the hot spring too?" I reasoned with the teen swordsman. "It's not like we are peeking. Plus, they have bikinis so the both of us don't see anything. And even if we did want to see something, we wouldn't be staring at the night sky the entire time now would we?"

Motoko draws back her rapier. She seems to accept my reasoning.

Motoko warned, "Very well, but if I catch the both of you doing anything dirty, I will not hesitate-"

"Oh come on, dude. We're only 10 years old, it's not like we can match with those two over there," I cut her off.

"Okay, okay I get it. But, don't call me dude," said Motoko who was putting away her sword and taking off her clothes.

"Yo, Mike," I continued to converse with my little brother. "Remember the time that dad accidentally called up a gay hotline?"

"Oh yeah!" he reminisced. "You should've seen the look on his face when the caller said, 'Hello, Hot Shot. So baby, wanna get naughty tonight?' His face turned completely blue!" Ah, I remember that time. My Dad was supposed to call Home Depot for some delivery service, but he accidentally misdialed two numbers and ended up calling a gay hotline. One of the most glorious moments of when me and Mike were only 7 years old.

"I also remember the time that Mom's pads flew right out of her chesticles, and they landed in some dude's chili at the food court in the mall. Ah, the good ol' times!" Me and Mike continued to remember our glorious days in America to help cheer us up. After thirty minutes of strolling down Memory Lane, me and Mike exit the springs and make our way to our respective rooms. After entering my abode, I sit on the bed and write in my journal.

Journal 9-9-11,

Well, today wasn't as bad as yesterday. But, my ticklishness has been exposed which can make my life exponentially more painful in Hinata School. Today was like a mixed bag.

-Johnny


	3. Saturday Hell

Chapter 3: Saturday Hell

(A/N)- Chapters of this fanfic take quite some time to come out due to my need of comedic ideas. Procrastination is the best method of acquiring said ideas. Or, you could review the fanfic and give me some ideas. I apologize for the chapter hold up.

It's 6:30 AM, Mike was talking on the phone while I was checking my email. I tried to hear as much of the conversation as I possibly could. He was talking on one side of the dinner table while I was on a soft couch behind the other side of the table, browsing the internet on my Acer laptop and eating a slice of that savannah chocolate cake for breakfast. I clip on a sound amplifier on my ear, and I listen in on his conversation with the other caller. I feel it has to do with how we ended up here in Hinata.

"You gotta get me out of here. Now!" he whimpers in sheer desperation. "Before I become a b#%h to one of the Hinata residents. I don't care how much it costs. I want OUT!"

"Well, I'm very sorry Mike, but I'm afraid I cannot help you," the sound of an adult replies. Man, Mike has some serious balls for swearing while talking to an adult on the phone. "It's the law, Mike. The Japanese Education Department strictly stated that you and your brother John attend Hinata School."

Mike slammed the phone onto the module. He was about to drop an atomic F-bomb, but I tried to stop him.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"

"No, Mike. Don't do it, Mike," I pleaded.

"FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-", he stopped as he hears the fire in his hole while putting on a derp face. Wow, he dropped an F-bomb alright. A fart-bomb that is!

"What the hell was that?" I giggled at him.

Mike stuttered due to loss of words. But he managed to say, "Uhh... gas leak?" He showed a sheepish smile while scratching the back of his head. I laugh at him as I close my laptop, and finish eating the cake. I place the dish and fork in the sink, and head up the wooden stairs into my room.

I slid the door open and scramble for clothes. I take off my shorts, and replace them with Calvin Klein underwear. I put on a new undershirt, and jeans. As a final touch, I wore an Adept - We are the storm t-shirt.

I grab a debit card from my wallet, go downstairs, and see Mike eating cereal when suddenly Kaolla pours a cup of soy sauce in his bowl while he had his back turned. When he took a bite, he shrilled while choking on the bite. I chuckled at that.

"How's it taste, Mike?" I laugh at him once again while descending from the stairs. He ignored me.

I reach the bottom floor and head towards the front door.

"Where are you going?" Mike asked.

I answered, "I'm going to exchange currency at a booth. My guess is that our $500,000 that we got as inheritance is worth about 40 million yen here."

"What if you get robbed?"

"I won't. I mean, how much money can a kid have in a debit card?" I reassure him while holding up the card. Suddenly, Narusegawa walks in on our conversation and asks if I was going out. I nod to her.

"By yourself?" she followed up.

"Yeah. I'm gonna exchange currency at a booth," I inform her. "See ya," I wave to her while exiting the facility.

"Wait, I'm coming with you!" she firmly states. "Wait here!" said Naru before disappearing back upstairs. A few minutes later, she came back wearing a pink blouse, white skirt, rosary, and small earrings. "Let's go!" I signal her to follow me. See? This is the thing about women, they always make you wait for them!

When we walked down the long flight of stairs, Naru grabbed my hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked while struggling from her grip.

"I'm just holding your hand so you won't get lost!" she said while tightening her grip a bit.

"Let go of me son. I'm ten years old for the love of God!"

Naru doesn't respond. Instead, she tightens her grip on my hand.

* * *

><p><strong>-Back at Hinata Inn- (POV switch to 3rd)<strong>

Mike was back in his bed sleeping. After having his freedom rejected by the government, he just wanted to sleep the day away. Unfortunately, Kaolla Su thought otherwise.

The sneaky Indian crept into Mike's room stealthily, and carefully removed his bed sheets. She dragged him slowly across the halls, and into her room. Her room was a massive jungle filled with vegetation, and small metal contraptions scattered on the floor. She laid down his sleeping corpse on a flat table. She strapped him, so he couldn't escape.

"Miiiike..." she started in a smooth voice. "Mikey-kun. Wakey, wakey!" John's brother slowly opened his eyes, and let out an "Eep!" when he saw himself tied up, and Su close enough to kiss him. The blondie turned around and reached into a box full of God knows what. She retracts her arm to reveal it holding a small remote control.

"W-w-what is that?" the fearful little boy stuttered. Kaolla grinned, giggled, then pressed a button on the contraption. Suddenly, a large mechanical turtle appeared from the trees. It had gray colored steel as skin, and his shell was made out of several hexagon shaped pieces of tungsten along with rectangle shaped ones that maybe used as doors to reveal a certain weapon or module. Su flicked a switch on her remote, and several hexagon shell pieces slid under others as what seemed like a weapon ascended through the hole. The weapon resembled a heavy machine gun with a gatling gun barrel, and an unusual ammo belt. The belt of ammunition consisted of small pills of some sort. The restrained boy didn't have time to think before the mad scientist spoke.

"Heeheehee!" she said sadistically. She pressed the big red button on the remote, and the weapon fired. Mike was hit by a liquid that splattered all over his shirt.

"Hey! What was that for?" Mike verbalized angrily.

"Oops, I forgot to take off your shirt!" Su unstrapped Mike's arms to remove his shirt, but in doing so, that allowed Mike a chance to escape. Following his wits, Mike swiftly punched the blonde Indian square in the face and knocked her out cold. Mike sat up on the table, and unbound his legs. He took his ruined shirt, and started off into the woods of Su's room. After about half an hour of spelunking in her abode, Mike managed to find the door. He excitedly slid it open and escaped with a relieved sigh. He went off into the laundry room with was two rooms over. He dumped his ruined shirt into the laundry basket, and exited the room. Then, Mike went back to his accommodation. Entering through the doors, he looked in his drawers for a shirt. Most of his clothes were underwear, and some jeans and undershirts. Fortunately, he managed to find an A Day to Remember shirt that he could wear. He put it on and headed straight downstairs for breakfast.

When he reached ground level, Shinobu turned her head towards him and asked, "Hey, Mike. Where's your brother, John?"

"He went out to exchange currencies."

"By himself!" Shinobu worriedly blurted. '_Lol, what are you? His mother?'_ thought Mike.

He replied, "Nah, he went with that girl with the honey-colored hair and a bad temper."

"Oh, you mean Naru," the bluenette corrected.

"Yeah, her. You know, at first I thought she was a nice girl. Until I saw her call the manager a pervert and then sent him all the way to the moon the other day. He fell out of a window on the second floor, and landed in the hot spring. From what I can guess, he might've seen Naru's boobs so that's why she must've sent him high into the sky. I didn't think it was fair, but seeing her brute strength, you don't wanna cross her path."

"Yeah, I know right. I wish she would treat senpai better, because he's such a nice person," wished Shinobu. "Anyway, breakfast is ready!"

"Aw, yeah," cheered Mike.

* * *

><p><strong>(POV has been changed to Mike's perspective)<strong>

Wow, I've only been here for about three days, and I've already gotten used to Shinobu's crazy cooking. I ate them so fast, I was done before everyone else poured into the room. After that, I sat on the couch and started thinking what to do today. Since I had some free time, I might as well explore Hinata City. Can't hurt can it?

After dressing up, I walked out the front door and ran down the flight of stairs. There's no need to worry about getting lost because Hinata Apartments is on top of a mountain that can be seen from everywhere in Hinata City.

Japan was very similar to America, but it had its share of differences. There were these cable cars that moved on the ground, and all this stuff. Even though I couldn't read the signs, there were a sight to see. For example, I saw this sign on the train window. It was something about priority seating. You were supposed to give up seats for people who are pregnant, have a broken leg/arm, or holding a child. But, the signs look much different. The person with the broken arm looked like he had a big d%k, the dude holding the kid looks more like he's raping him, the pregnant lady is just an amusing sight to look at, and the person with the broken leg looks like he has a child coming out of his $$. But I completely lost it when I saw their restroom sign. It was a poster that told you what to do and not to do with the toilet. You were supposed to sit on it (regardless of excrement). But that wasn't the funny part, it was what not to do that was hilarious. You couldn't stand up and pee in it, put your head close to it, stand on the toilet while squatting, put a fishing rod in it, and you couldn't pee doggy-style. I'm glad I regained my composure, because I think people were starting to stare.

I took a seat on a bench, while taking deep breaths to stabilize my breathing rhythm. I close my eyes as I take in the fresh air of Japan. A few minutes later, a feminine squeal disturbed my calmness.

"Eeeeek!~ How cuuute!" That was the only warning I got before both of my cheeks were grabbed and pulled. I had limited eyesight while I was being assaulted, but from the little I saw, I think I was being violated by what looks like a high school girl. I should've known. High school girls are the predators of little boys.

"Nyaaa!~ Kawaii!~" squealed the girl.

"DAMMIT, SON! LET GO OF ME!"I vociferated as my cheek flesh shifted. Ugh, I hope John is doing much better than I am.

* * *

><p><strong>(Back to Johnny's POV)<strong>

Note: Whenever you walk together with a girl, 9 times out of 10, the walk time is going to be extended. She told me that we should go through the park, but I told her that she might get groped or something. I had to admit that she was hot, but with those looks, there's a chance that she might get groped or raped, or something. But no, she didn't listen to me. Instead, she just called me paranoid and dragged me through the park. We were close to the currency exchange office by then. All of a sudden, this black dude came up to Narusegawa and started hitting on her. I could've fended him off, but I could tell that he was really, really high. I whooped out my iPhone and recorded him and her talking.

"Yo, my name's Rick James. Show me them titties, b^%$#!" he drunkenly gabbed.

You should've seen Naru's face after she heard that. She went completely red, and so did I... from laughter. I tried to hold in my giggles as best as I could, but eventually I let it out. Bad mistake.

"Are you laughing at me!" she screamed while she bonked my head. Naru then turned to Rick, and punched him to the ground while yelling, "PERVERT!". She kicked him, and beat him up while I recorded the entire thing. While the poor, stoned black man was being physically abused, he was yelling, "AH, AAAAAH! Oh, you darkness, you black... Evil motherf%&!er, black magic!"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLIN' BLACK!" Naru cut him off, before she gave him her trademark "Naru Punch" stomach.

"AAAAHH! You... f&#!in'... delirious... mothaf&%ker... You as cold as ice, midnight..." his voice trailed off. Naru stopped the beating while panting heavily. Even after all that, he still had to balls to say, "F#%k yo hands, n^*#..." With that, Naru repaid him with a severe kick to the nuts. There goes his balls, they're all the way up in the sky now.

**Protip: NEVER hit on Naru while you're high. Otherwise, you're dead son.**


End file.
